Listen to your Heart
by angietheunicorn
Summary: Lily is having the perfect life. she has a nice boyfriend and she is head girl. heck, even James... she means Potter, but why is that bothering her. he has finally givin up. that's a good thing, right? songlfic. please rand r.


Disclaimer. I love one shots. I love DHT and I am disclaiming this. I am not J.K. Rowling for heaven's sake. I cannot sing well, I don't know but I don't own anything.

Lily pushed her boyfriend away playfully, and then darted from where she was standing on the grounds, running as fast as she could. She laughed, hearing him chase her. She ditched him around a bend of a hill, and looked back to see where he was. she didn't see anything but the roll of the sweet green grass that Hogwarts had.

She slammed into someone, knocking her to the ground. She looked up, way up, to see hazel eyes.

Something inside her clenched, her breath hitched in her throat. He slowly reached down and offered her his hand; she took it, allowing herself to be lifted up. Something about his eyes. Warmth. Protection. She couldn't look away. He smiled, and she could feel a blush creeping up. She smiled as if she had just been told she was going to be taken on a shopping spree, but not like it. her heart did a little flip. He was so handome.

_**wait, handsome?** _she thought to herself, trying to shake the feeling she had

yes, handome. you like him, you know it. her heart said.

"You all right, Evans?" he asked, she nodded.

At that moment, her boyfriend came flying around the corner, seeing his girlfriend's eyes locked with James's . She was smiling.

"Lily?" he asked. She looked at him, and then looked at James.

"I just ran into James, Tristan, nothing big." She said, looking back into those eyes. They had something in them that she couldn't pin. Something that made her want to change her mind about her opinion of him.

"Well, Lily and I have to go. See you around James." He said, pulling a deep in thought Lily away.

"What was going on back there?" he asked her.

"I don't know." She said softly, and he looked at her with a concerned look in his blue eyes.

"Are you sure?" he asked softly.

"I just need time to think about It.," she said, walking away from him, onto the grounds. She thought about it. Her heart gave a painful twist when she thought of her and Tristan. He was a good man, sure. He could and would provide for her, yes he would. He was smart and witty, and everything a girl could want. She and him were made for each other.

But then, if he was so good, why did her heart feel so weird, so, like it was missing something.

She tried to think, tell her heart she knew what she was doing, but then the image of James's eyes appeared in her mind. She stopped.

_I know there's something in the wake of your smile  
_

She pushed her thoughts back more, away from him. She was a seventh year, head girl, and she had a boyfriend. She had a wonderful boyfriend.

You just keep telling yourself that the voice in her mind said.

**But I do have a wonderful boyfriend; I have no room for Potter in my life.**

So those feelings you had when you saw the feeling in his eyes, you were just imagining that?

She had no answer for that voice. She was already a loser if she went against that voice. But it couldn't be right, could it?

_I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah  
_

"Lily, we need to talk." Tristan said, coming up to her.

"Ok, I'm listening."

"What was between you and potter?" he asked, talking her arm and leading her around the lake.

"Nothing." She wanted to say, but hazel eyes flashed in front of her mind.

He nodded to her, a sad look in his eyes. "You know there is more to that, and I know there is more to that."

"No there isn't!" she yelled, as if yelling it would make it true. He was shocked. She looked sheepish, then said, " I need more time to think."

She kept walking, but he didn't. he had stopped, and the way he stood said that he had known this was going to happen.

"You love him, don't you?" he asked softly, but she heard every word.

"No! I can't!" She exclaimed in horror, and took off towards the forest. She couldn't. Why did he do such things to her? Why did he have to cause trouble? Why did she have to feel those things that she had felt when she had looked into his beautiful eyes?

Now her love life was falling apart

_You've built a love but that love falls apart  
_

_Your little piece of heaven turns too dark  
_

She ran deeper into the forest, running from herself. She dodged among tree trunks, avoided bushes and small patches of thistle, her raging heart taking her far away from her problems. The bad thing about running from herself is that she couldn't lose it, or hide from it. Her feet pounded steadily in the moist earth filled with decomposing organic matter. She ran and ran. She leapt, taking a wild leap off of a huge rock over a huge, old, decaying log. When she stopped, she heard running footsteps, then a voice called her.

"Lily, are you out here?" it was James. She got up and ran, hearing him follow. Oh how she wanted to run into his arms, but she restrained herself. She couldn't. He was her enemy.

_Listen to your heart  
when he's calling for you  
listen to your heart  
_

She ran, her heart beating wildly, but not from the run. If she wasn't sure of herself, then she was weak. She couldn't turn back, couldn't admit that she had been holding grudges for too long. She couldn't. She ran farther, but he was catching up. Why didn't she just admit it and get over it? But no, she was Lily Evans, and he was James Potter. Pure enemies

_You wish there were some reason you could hate him._ Her mind said. She knew it was right.

**but I hate him!**

Right. Her heart told her, revealing images of him that made her doubt her opinion of hateing him. He seemed to be a good person, but she was still confused, so confused..

**I am so confused!** she thought

or in denial...

_There's nothing else you can do  
I don't know where you're going  
and I don't know why  
_

But she could just tell him to stop looking for her. She could hex him until his eyeballs fell out, and make it so that she would be free of him.

Or she could break his heart. Something inside her instantly rebelled, and she took that idea out of the picture.

Lily didn't know what to do. She was angry. She had gotten over him, right? But then why did she run away from him? Why did her heart do little flips when he smiled at her? Why hadn't she called him a prat or anything? He had way too much power over her, and she didn't like it. He had turned her whole world upside down and inside out in such a short time, it left her dazed and confused, and unprotected. But worst than all that was that she was vulnerable. She couldn't stop him from trying to steal her heart, but she could get it back. It wasn't safe in his hands. He would just break her heart. **Wouldn't he? **she thought desperatly.

Think about it.

She stopped; not noticing the footsteps had faded. She was gasping; feeling the chill that meant a heavy storm was about to be unleashed. She didn't hear any sound in the forest except her own heavy breathing.

_But listen to your heart  
before you tell him goodbye  
_

She gasped. He had left? He usually chased her until he found her. He seemed to know the forest like the back of his hand. He had always found her, always. She took a despairing look around her, feeling more lost. She could always rely on James, until now. But he was gone. She looked up at the sky, seeing it getting darker. She heard someone call her name, and felt her heart rise in her chest, still filled with hope. He hadn't left after all!

"Oh, Lily, I was so worried about you!" Tristan said, coming out from behind a tree.

"Oh, I just had to think." She said weakly, knowing that some disappointment could be seen in her eyes.

He gave her a hug, and she tried to hug back, noticing the lack of something.

"Did you sort things out?"

"Not really, I only made myself more confused." She said, letting him lead her in. they came to the huge doors that were the main entrance to the castle. She looked up, seeing the beauty of the torches in the corridors, shining through their glass windows. She felt a little sad that she would be leaving this place in three short weeks, and not coming back as a student, and probably not as a teacher, either.

When they got into the great hall, Sirius came up to him, a look of shock on his face. He looked at her in awe.

"What's wrong, why are you staring at me?" she asked him.

"He gave up, you don't have to deal with him again. We are leaving for vacation, as me and James have taken the N.E.W.T.S. early." He said. He looked at her, looked into her eyes and said, " The only girl he ever loved, was the only girl he couldn't have."

"What are you talking about?" she asked him. Tristan was shooting looks at him, which he ignored. He shook his head at her, like she was another regret his friend had for her.

" We have two weeks before we leave Hogwarts, and James and I are leaving tonight, at midnight." He said, then turned and left her more confused than ever. He turned back, saying one thing, " Lily, I look at you and I wonder what James was thinking. It was a waste of years, going after you, then I asked him if he regrets it, and he told me that he would endure all the pain, feel every slap, hear every mean word you have said to him, again and that he would never regret you." He said, and then he gave her a weak smile, then turned around, and disappeared into the halls.

"Well, I can't say I will miss him." Tristan said, looking at her, after Sirius was gone.

"Neither can I." She said, her heart screaming as the thought of him leaving. She wanted to cry for some reason. Something twisted in her gut, and she realized it was guilt. She didn't like it; she had never felt it before in this size. They went into the great hall, holding hands. She felt like she was committing some great sin, and that people would turn around and start booing her and yelling at her, telling her what a waste she was, and that James deserved better.

She didn't tell Tristan, but there was something missing. She thought about it all dinner. She wanted to tell someone.

She left early, walking the halls thinking. The sky darkened and it started to rain. She walked through the halls, listening. The Rain poured around the castle, protecting her from the onslaught. She felt sorry for James; he wouldn't be protected. She smiled, walking down a deserted hall. Her ignorance and stubbornness were like these walls, protecting from the natural elements. James didn't have such a shield, and he was totally honest with her.

She realized that she sounded like a poet, something she wasn't very into before. It was really deep, and she had never thought that deep before. There was a reason that she was doing it though, and he was about to leave her life in a few hours. She wandered up into her headroom, looking at the vacant space that was revealed by a door. All of James' stuff was gone. Everything.

She sat on her bed, noticing a white lily, and a note. She fingered the white lily, noticing how wild it was. It wasn't one of the ones that you get from a flower shop, it was one of the ones you got from the middle of a dark, dank, and monster infested forest.

The note made her more confused. She had to get away. She had to think. She rushed out, to pace the halls restlessly once more, like a ghost that had to be avenged.

Go after him

"I can't!" she said out loud. She walked and walked, not noticing the time slipping past her silently, like a thief in the night. The Halls became like a monotonous sight, and she didn't notice where she walked or whom she would have ran into. She was only concerned on one thing. He never regretted her, was it to late?

" It's not worth it!" she told herself "And I never lie, either." She said weakly.

Are you sure?

She looked around

_Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile  
the precious moments are all lost in the tide, yeah  
they're swept away and nothing is what is seems  
the feeling of belonging to your dreams _

Her eyes widened with shock. As if it were painted on every inch of the wall, and if the rain had forced her to pace to see it, she saw it. She hurt when he had tried to get his mind off of her by dating other girls. It hurt when he didn't say hi to her, it hurt when he didn't ask her out. It hurt her when she thought of him, waiting for someone like her to give in, but watching as he gave up hope. It hurt her to think that in her room was a single white lily, her favorite flower. She did love him. Then, like a huge wave breaking through a weakened damn, she was hit by what she knew her actions had to be next. 

Her heart beat wildly in her chest as she looked at her watch. He was leaving now. It was 11:59. She waited for one second, finalizing her choice, making it so if she didn't make it, she would have no regrets on running out on a boyfriend.

James Potter looked behind him, his hair wet with the rain falling around him. A carriage had been set up to take him and Sirius home. He put one hand in his hair, and tried not to cry. He could see her, toasting her boyfriend over her triumph, but he didn't care. He would still love her, not matter what happened. Every thing she had done since he had first noticed her scolding a bully in first year flashed through his mind.

He remembered everything, but he remembered the tests more. He had spent all his time staring at Lily, wondering what he should do. Sitting there, wondering if she was ever going to give in, knowing it wasn't likely, wishing it were. He remembered finishing the test early, just so he could stare at the back of her head. She had sat right in front of him during them, as She had taken them early too, because she had to plan the final dance and the graduation. He was brought back to the harsh reality when he felt the rain on his face once more.

He smiled softly, wishing her the best of luck. She didn't know how much he had hurt himself over her. How much she really meant for him. He remembered that last flower he had left in her room, just hours before. A simple white Lily and a note pinned to it saying simply,

_I played a game I know I was bound to lose, but I played it anyways. I lost, but in losing, I get a prize that I have no regrets about. And that is the time we spent, in hate, in laughter, and in my case, love. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you, Lily, but I will always keep playing the game, if only to remember what fun it was. I have never given up yet, Lily, but it seems that you are the first. Thank you, for teaching me to grow up. No regrets._

_Potter_

She ran through the halls, the rain echoing like her footsteps she past Tristan

"Your going after him?" he asked her

"Yes, so you can go find someone else Tristan, I'm sorry, but I need to find him!" she yelled over her shoulder.

The rain pooled around her as she ran through it once she got outside. She ran, her legs aching. She was soaking wet, and her robes were ruined.

She sighed, and then transformed a rock into a horse. She got on, and galloped off, putting her riding skills to use. She flew through the rain, hoping, praying, wishing, that he was still close enough, that she would make it. everything swirled around her, and she was jolted by the horse leaping over a log. She rain stung her face, and she was struggling to stay on, but she was desperate.

After a while, she lost concentration and it turned back into a rock. She fell off, skinning her right elbow badly and maybe twisting her wrist. She nearly cried, but then ran, hearing the hoof beats of the carriage in the near distance.

_Listen to your heart  
when he's calling for you  
listen to your heart  
there's nothing else you can do  
I don't know where you're going  
and I don't know why  
but listen to your heart  
before you tell him goodbye  
_

She ran faster, and she saw a dark shape in the distance, a carriage. The wind tore through her lungs like hungry piranhas eating a dead chicken.

She knew that was them. It was carrying them away from her. She gasped air in, trying to catch up. She watched as the road bent away from her. She cut through a grove of trees, and came out closer to it. She ran, not feeling the rain. She had to get there. She had to.

She ran faster, finally catching up. She ran, and leapt, throwing herself at the car. She fell off of it, into a puddle. It stopped, and James walked out, his wand lit.

"Lily?" he asked her, helping her get up.

"James, please, I'm sorry." She said, grabbing his hand. He waved his wand and the rain stopped falling on them. She gasped air in, trying to make him see. His dark Hazel eyes had lit up at seeing her, but then died down, as if fingering an old wound.

"Lily, it's ok, you and Tristan have my blessing."

"But I dumped him, for you!" she said.

"No, it's ok, go back, I have a train to catch," he said, letting go of her hand. He gave her his cloak one last time and then put a foot on the stood that would help him into the carriage.

"No, James, I'm not going anywhere." She said, softly.

"But you hate my guts, I get the message. I got six years of messages."

"Then why can't you get this one?" she asked him, coming closer.

He was shell-shocked. Sirius poked his head out of the carriage.

"Did we hit something?" he asked, then his eyes widened, "Lily, what are you doing here? Go back." He said.

"I told her that, Padfoot, but she wouldn't listen." He said softly

"James, you wanted me to give you a chance." She said, " Now, you wouldn't lie to me."

"But Lily you hurt me so bad! All six years, nothing!" he yelled. Sirius stuck his head back in. "everyone said you hated me! Everyone said that you thought I was a prat.

"I had everyone fooled, James, even myself." She said softly.

_And there are voices  
that want to be heard  
so much to mention  
_

He was silent for a few moments, and then he shook his head.

"It's late, I will owl you over the summer." He finally said.

"No James, I'm not staying here. I know your mom; she said I was welcome anytime. She said so. I am coming with you, because I like you, a lot, and I don't know how to say it, but Tristan, when he hugged me, it didn't feel right. When we kissed, something was missing. That one time, your eyes were so warm, I noticed something, I tried to tell myself I didn't but James, I just don't have the words to say anything-." She was rambling on.

_But you can't find the words  
the scent of magic  
the beauty that's been  
when love was wilder than the wind  
_

" James, I know I hurt you, but I want a second chance. I want a first chance I want-." She was cut off when he kissed her, the rain streaming with her tears, both of them, standing in the rain, his arms wrapped around her.

His lips felt so soft against her own, and she was glad he was holding her up. This kiss was perfect. It was passionate, loving, gently, fiery, but most importantly, it was perfect, whole, nothing missing.

"So do I." He said, smiling as he kissed her again. It deepened, and she put her hands in his hair, pressing herself against him, feeling his heart beat wildly in his chest.

"Ok, how come it went silen-?" Sirius said, voice dying off. " O," he stuck his head back into the cab. When they broke apart, she was smiling so brightly.

He led her into the carriage, and they sat down. He shut the door, and they were off, she leaned into his chest, smiling at him scent. He was warm, and she felt totally protected

_Listen to your heart  
when he's calling for you  
listen to your heart  
there's nothing else you can do  
I don't know where you're going  
and I don't know why  
but listen to your heart  
before you tell him goodbye  
_

See, I told you so. Her heart said quietly. She smiled bigger into his chest, eyes closing. She listened to his breath, content, her throat sore but fine as she inhaled his scent. It was pure bliss, and soon, they were fast asleep.

_Listen to your heart...mm..mmm _

I don't know where you're going  
and I don't know why  
but listen to your heart  
before you tell him goodbye 

Hello, this is Angie. I have read this story at least three times for grammar, but hey, I'm not perfect. Thank you for reading this. Song by DHT, so don't sue. Thanks again.


End file.
